By: John S. Morlu II, CPA
Ah, the life of a small business owner! Every day is a new adventure in the tumultuous world of employment—where you are the captain of a ship sailing through stormy seas, with a crew that might jump overboard at the first sight of land (or a better paycheck). In over 12 years in business, I’ve seen employees come and go, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: the caliber of your employees directly correlates with how gracefully they leave. Those who fly off with the wind after a week’s notice? Good riddance! But the ones who give you three months’ notice and still pop in after they’ve left? Cherish them like the last piece of chocolate in the office candy jar. Let’s dive into the absurdity that is the employee hiring (and firing) process, where only the strong, savvy, and slightly sarcastic survive.
Chapter 1: The Mythical Quest for the “A-Player”
Let’s face it: hiring the right employee is like trying to find a needle in a haystack—while blindfolded, underwater, and with your hands tied behind your back. But when you do find that needle, that precious, shining A-Player, you realize that all the pricked fingers and hay in your hair were worth it.
An A-Player is the stuff of legends. They are the unicorns of the business world—mythical creatures that, when found, transform your humble operation into a well-oiled machine. They’re the ones who can juggle five projects while smiling, respond to emails at 3 AM just because they’re that dedicated, jump on a call at a minute’s notice without a single complaint, and still have the decency to ask, “Is there anything else I can do?” They’re not just employees; they’re the lifeblood of your business. They possess a complete ownership mindset, are high on personal responsibility, and are rarer than an honest politician.
But here’s the kicker: A-Players don’t come cheap. No, no. You’ll have to shell out a pretty penny for their talents. But before you clutch your wallet in horror, let me assure you—it’s worth it. For every dollar you invest in an A-Player, you get back tenfold in productivity, innovation, and peace of mind. And when they decide to leave (because even unicorns get tired of grazing in the same pasture), they’ll do it with such grace and consideration that you’ll find yourself weeping into your coffee, not because they’re leaving, but because they’re doing it so damn well. Their reasons for leaving are usually so convincing that you want them to go high and succeed; you bow down and pray for them even in their absence. They are a rarity!
Chapter 2: The “D-Player” Dilemma
Ah, the D-Player. We’ve all had one. They’re the ones who show up late, leave early, and somehow manage to make even the simplest tasks feel like Herculean labors. They do not seem to believe anything good happens on this planet, so they are willing to take just about anything free. They clock in and sit until 5 PM, going home only to repeat the same day in and day out, with no regard for whether they are adding value to your team. They are just okay being present, to be in the moment and be seen at work each day. But the real kicker? They’re the ones who quit after giving you a week’s notice—if you’re lucky.
You’ll barely have time to process the shock before they’re out the door, leaving a trail of half-finished projects and unanswered emails in their wake. And the best part? You won’t miss them. In fact, you’ll find yourself breathing a little easier, the air somehow sweeter, now that their cloud of mediocrity has lifted.
The D-Player is the master of the disappearing act. One day they’re there, the next they’re gone, and the only evidence they ever existed is the stack of incomplete work they left behind. But don’t worry—you won’t shed a tear. In fact, you might even find yourself smiling as you clear out their desk, wondering why you ever kept them around in the first place. But the only pity is that you did not catch them early enough and spent all that time trying to train them, paying them for producing doodle squat, correcting their mistakes, and pissing off your clients and other team members for poor work quality.
Chapter 3: The Great Cost-Performance Conundrum
Small business owners are often tempted by the siren song of the “affordable” employee. You know the type: they come cheap, don’t ask for much, and seem eager to please. Yes, to please. But beware! These employees are often wolves in sheep’s clothing. They might start off strong, but before you know it, they’re dragging their feet, missing deadlines, and causing more headaches than they’re worth.
The truth is, in the world of small business, you get what you pay for. Sure, an A-Player might cost you more upfront, but their productivity, efficiency, commitment, integrity, responsibility, and sheer brilliance will save you money in the long run. They’re the ones who stay late, go the extra mile, and leave your business better than they found it. Meanwhile, the affordable employee is the one who leaves you scrambling to pick up the pieces after they’ve left. You don’t even miss them a bit. They left you worse off than they found you. If you trace them, you will find that they have done this everywhere they’ve worked.
Chapter 4: The Art of the Graceful Exit
Let’s take a moment to appreciate the rare employee who leaves with grace. At JS Morlu, these are the Enoch Mensahs, Preyanshi Patels, and Thanh Trans of the world—the A-Players who give you months of notice, offer to train their replacements, and even check in after they’ve left to make sure everything’s running smoothly. They’re the ones who make you realize that goodbyes don’t have to be painful.
When an A-Player leaves, they do it with such professionalism and consideration that you can’t help but admire them. They give you time to prepare, find a suitable replacement, and transition smoothly. And even after they’re gone, they’re still willing to lend a hand because they care about your business almost as much as you do. And they leave for good reasons. Enoch left to become a pastor. Patel left to expand her knowledge in public auditing because our firm refused to do audits, and Tran left to take over the family business in Southeast Asia. All perfect reasons.
But don’t get too comfortable—these exits are rare. Most employees will leave with barely a week’s notice, leaving you to scramble to fill the void. And that’s when you realize just how much you relied on that A-Player, how much they did behind the scenes, and how much you’ll miss them. New callings!
Chapter 5: A Final Word of Wisdom
So, what’s the moral of this satirical tale? Simple: hire A-Players, no matter the cost. They’ll make your life easier, your business stronger, and your coffee taste better (probably because they’ll have already brewed it before you even got to the office). And when they do leave, they’ll do it with such grace and consideration that you’ll find yourself hoping they’ll come back one day, if only for a visit.
As for the D-Players? Well, let’s just say you won’t lose any sleep over them. They’ll be gone before you know it, leaving you with nothing but a sigh of relief and a stack of unfinished work. But that’s okay because now you know better. You’ve learned the delicate art of hiring (and losing) employees, and you’ll never settle for anything less than an A-Player again.
So go forth, brave small business owner, and may your hiring process be swift, your employees be top-notch, and your goodbyes be graceful. After all, in the wild world of small business, it’s not just about finding the right people—it’s about keeping them, appreciating them, and knowing when to let them go.
Author: John S. Morlu II, CPA is the CEO and Chief Strategist of JS Morlu, leads a globally recognized public accounting and management consultancy firm. Under his visionary leadership, JS Morlu has become a pioneer in developing cutting-edge technologies across B2B, B2C, P2P, and B2G verticals. The firm’s groundbreaking innovations include AI-powered reconciliation software (ReckSoft.com) and advanced cloud accounting solutions (FinovatePro.com), setting new industry standards for efficiency, accuracy, and technological excellence.
