By: John S. Morlu II, CPA
Have you ever asked for advice only to feel even more confused afterward? Maybe you wanted clarity on a big decision—whether to switch careers, move to a new city, or invest in that “sure thing” your cousin mentioned at Thanksgiving. Instead, you walked away with a buffet of opinions, each more conflicting than the last. Here’s the thing: advice isn’t about getting answers. It’s about gaining perspective.
As Adam Grant, the organizational psychologist, rightly points out, “No one knows what’s best for you. They can only share what makes sense to them.” And that’s the crux of it: advice is like a window. It shows you someone else’s view—but their view isn’t your life.
So how do we navigate this tangled web of opinions, biases, and personal histories that shape the advice we get? Let’s dive in.
Why People Give Advice (and Why It’s Not Always Useful)
Everyone loves giving advice. It feels good to help someone else, and let’s be honest—who doesn’t enjoy being the wise sage for a moment? But here’s the kicker: most advice is a product of the giver’s life story, not yours.
Imagine this: your friend Alex tells you to quit your job because they did the same thing last year and landed their dream gig. What Alex doesn’t mention is that they had six months’ worth of savings, zero kids, and a partner with a steady income. Those details matter!
Advice, no matter how well-meaning, often carries hidden baggage:
- Personal bias: The advice-giver’s experiences, successes, and failures shape their perspective.
- Hidden agendas: Sometimes advice is influenced by what the giver wants for themselves, not you.
- Emotional projections: People often project their fears or hopes onto others without realizing it.
The Science of Bad Advice
Research backs this up. A 2021 study in the Journal of Experimental Psychology found that people giving advice often overestimate how similar their situation is to the advice-seeker’s. This leads to overconfident recommendations that don’t account for the seeker’s unique context.
On the flip side, receiving too much advice can lead to decision paralysis. Psychologists call this “choice overload.” When everyone’s an armchair expert, you’re left spinning in circles, unsure of whose advice to trust.
Ben Horowitz’s Wisdom: Give Me the Facts
Entrepreneur Ben Horowitz, author of The Hard Thing About Hard Things, has a practical approach to advice: don’t give him answers—just give him the facts, data, and your interpretation. He’ll decide what to do.
This is brilliant for two reasons:
- It respects individuality: You’re the expert on your life, not the advice-giver.
- It reduces bias: Facts and evidence speak louder than personal anecdotes.
For instance, if someone asks, “Should I invest in stocks or real estate?” the best response isn’t, “Real estate worked for me!” Instead, share the pros and cons of both, highlight current market trends, and let them decide based on their goals and resources.
How to Filter Advice Like a Pro
Okay, so you’ve asked for advice, and now you’re drowning in opinions. How do you figure out what’s useful? Here’s a handy three-step guide:
1. Ask the Right Question
Instead of “What should I do?” ask, “What am I missing?” This shifts the focus from prescriptive advice to new perspectives. You’re not asking someone to map out your life; you’re asking them to show you blind spots.
2. Consider the Source
Ask yourself:
- Does this person understand my situation?
- Do they have expertise in this area?
- Are they projecting their fears or dreams onto me?
Your friend who’s never run a business probably isn’t the best person to advise you on launching a startup.
3. Weigh the Evidence
Separate opinions from facts. If someone says, “You should definitely do X,” dig deeper. Why do they think that? What’s the evidence? Advice grounded in logic and data is usually more reliable than “gut feelings.”
The Role of Humor in Advice
Here’s the funny thing about advice: sometimes the best advice is to ignore it. Take comedian Steven Wright’s quip: “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” Humor reminds us not to take everything too seriously.
Another gem comes from the fictional sage Yoda: “Do or do not. There is no try.” While inspiring, it’s also wildly unhelpful when you’re figuring out whether to apply for a loan or stick to your budget.
Humor can lighten the load of decision-making, helping us approach problems with curiosity instead of anxiety.
When Giving Advice, Be a Lighthouse
If you’re the one giving advice, aim to be a lighthouse, not a GPS. Lighthouses guide ships, but they don’t steer them. Your job is to offer insights and perspective, not a detailed map.
Here’s how to do it:
- Listen first: Understand the seeker’s situation before chiming in.
- Share your perspective, not your prescription: Say, “In my experience…” rather than “You should…”
- Offer options, not ultimatums: Help them see possibilities, not a single “right” path.
The Final Word
In the end, the purpose of seeking advice isn’t to find someone who knows what’s best for you. It’s to gather perspectives that help you see your own path more clearly.
So the next time you’re tempted to ask, “What should I do?” pause and reframe the question: “What might I be missing?” You’ll get better answers—and maybe even a little wisdom along the way.
And if all else fails, remember this: the best advice might just be to trust yourself. After all, no one knows your life better than you do.
Author: John Morlu II, CPA
John Morlu II, CPA, is the CEO and Chief Strategist of JS Morlu, a globally acclaimed public accounting and management consulting powerhouse. With his visionary leadership, JS Morlu has redefined industries, pioneering cutting-edge technologies across B2B, B2C, P2P, and B2G landscapes.
The firm’s groundbreaking innovations include:
- ReckSoft (www.ReckSoft.com): AI-driven reconciliation software revolutionizing financial accuracy and efficiency.
- FinovatePro (www.FinovatePro.com): Advanced cloud accounting solutions empowering businesses to thrive in the digital age.
- Fixaars (www.fixaars.com): A global handyman platform reshaping service delivery and setting new benchmarks in convenience and reliability.
Under his strategic vision, JS Morlu continues to set the gold standard for technological excellence, efficiency, and transformative solutions.
