By: John S. Morlu II, CPA
Welcome, intrepid employee, to the dazzling universe of small business stardom—a realm where the mundane transforms into the extraordinary, and every day is an adventure of its own. Prepare yourself to embark on a journey through the enchanting and sometimes bewildering world of small business work culture, where “I’ll get that done by the end of the day” holds as much weight as “I’ll definitely go to the gym tomorrow”—both equally optimistic, if not slightly elusive.
In this vibrant ecosystem, you’re not merely an employee; you’re a maestro orchestrating a symphony of roles. One moment, you’re a juggler, adeptly balancing multiple tasks with the finesse of a circus performer. The next, you’re a magician, conjuring solutions out of thin air with nothing more than your wit and a well-timed email. And don’t forget the occasional diplomat, deftly navigating the labyrinth of office politics with the grace of a seasoned negotiator.
Amidst this dynamic environment, you’ll find yourself deciphering the cryptic behavior of office gadgets—like the printer, which seems to believe its true calling is to play an endless game of hide-and-seek. But fear not, for every quirky challenge and unexpected twist is a testament to your ability to thrive in this uniquely thrilling world.
So, strap in and embrace the rollercoaster ride that is small business life. You’re not just part of a team; you’re an integral player in a living, breathing adventure where every day brings new surprises, and every task is an opportunity to showcase your resilience and creativity. Welcome to the exciting chaos of small business stardom—where your journey is as unpredictable as it is rewarding.
1. The Unofficial Title: Chief Everything Officer
In the magical land of small business, your job title is a mere suggestion. Officially, you might be the “Marketing Coordinator,” but unofficially, you’re the Chief Everything Officer (CEO). You’re the go-to person for all things from answering phones, chasing down invoices, to ensuring the office plant is still alive (even if it’s now more of a crispy fern).
Consider the case of Greg from Marketing, who was found leading a meeting with a laptop balanced on a stack of paper towels. “Our budget’s a little tight,” he explained. “So, the printer decided to go on strike and we’re out of stands.” Greg’s flexibility embodies the spirit of small business employment—juggling tasks and surviving on a shoestring budget while sporting a smile that says, “I’ve totally got this.”
2. The Office Olympics: Who Can Fill Out Forms Fastest?
Small businesses are renowned for their rigorous and highly competitive Office Olympics. These include events such as “Who Can Fill Out Forms the Fastest?” and “The Great Coffee Machine Standoff.” In the former, contestants race to fill out the new expense report template without using any of the available “Help” options. Points are awarded for speed and the number of cryptic errors that are subsequently uncovered by the finance team.
Take, for instance, Lisa from Sales, who once proudly completed her expense report in record time, only to discover she had submitted a claim for “three dozen donuts” instead of “three dozen pens.” The finance team, ever the sport, graciously accepted the correction and ensured that Lisa’s donut-related error would become a beloved office legend.
3. Email Etiquette: Mastering the Art of the Reply All
Ah, email—the digital equivalent of an endless, echoing cave where messages bounce off the walls like lost souls. Small business employees are often experts in the art of the “Reply All.” This thrilling sport involves responding to a company-wide email about the office holiday party with your vacation photos from three years ago.
Take Jeremy, the IT guy, who once accidentally replied to all with a series of vacation selfies from a beach in Bali. Instead of being chastised, he was elevated to “Employee of the Year” for single-handedly boosting office morale. His holiday photos became the unofficial backdrop of the next team meeting, proving that in the world of small businesses, anything goes.
4. The Meeting Marathon: How to Pretend You’re Paying Attention
Meetings in small businesses are akin to marathons—long, grueling, and only occasionally involving actual progress. To survive, you must master the fine art of appearing engaged while your mind drifts to far-off lands. The key here is strategic nodding and the occasional “That’s a great point” to ensure you remain in the good graces of your fellow meeting-goers.
Remember the time when Sarah, the office manager, was caught doodling an elaborate sketch of a dragon during a three-hour discussion on “Annual Budget Allocation”? Instead of reprimand, Sarah was hailed for her creativity and strategic foresight. Her dragon became a mascot for the next quarter, symbolizing the company’s resilience and her unparalleled ability to multitask.
5. The Secret Snack Stash: A True Survival Tool
In the wild world of small business, the office snack stash is sacred. It’s your secret arsenal, your last line of defense against the mid-afternoon slump. The proper management of this stash requires a keen eye and a steady hand. Be prepared to defend your territory against snack thieves and office scavengers.
Consider Mike from HR, who maintained a top-secret stash of gourmet chocolates in his desk drawer. When the office was hit by an unexpected wave of productivity, Mike’s stash became the coveted treasure. His ability to protect it with unwavering dedication, including elaborate diversionary tactics involving “fake” snack jars filled with Brussels sprouts, earned him a spot in the office hall of fame.
6. The Annual Review: Flattery and Footnotes
The annual review in a small business is a delicate dance of flattery and footnotes. You’re expected to highlight your achievements with the same enthusiasm as a circus performer juggling flaming torches. The trick is to make your “I saved the company $5,000 by renegotiating our coffee supplier contract” sound as thrilling as “I single-handedly revolutionized the customer service experience.”
Meet Tom, the junior accountant, who once wrote his review in rhyming couplets. “I optimized the workflow, and I did it with glee, and now our office runs as smooth as can be.” Tom’s creative approach not only won him a promotion but also an office plaque that reads, “Best Poet Accountant.”
7. The Inter-Office Politics: A Game of Thrones
In the realm of small business, inter-office politics can be as cutthroat as a Game of Thrones episode. From subtle power plays to strategic alliances, navigating the social landscape requires as much skill as your job itself.
For instance, Emma, the new intern, was able to climb the ranks by initiating a “Secret Santa” gift exchange that cleverly included every office hierarchy. By gifting her manager a personalized mug and her assistant a fancy pen, Emma secured a spot at the top of the unofficial “Most Likely to Succeed” list.
8. The “Work-Life Balance” Myth: A Modern Fairy Tale
Lastly, let’s discuss the mythical concept of “work-life balance.” In the world of small businesses, it’s less of a balance and more of a juggling act. The key is to work long hours while convincing yourself that your “life” consists of binging Netflix while crafting a 100-slide presentation.
Take Alex from Creative, who managed to attend three client meetings, two brainstorming sessions, and a networking event all while maintaining the facade of an active social life. His ability to manage his “work-life balance” was so impressive that it was immortalized in the office’s unofficial motto: “Work hard, nap harder.”
9. The Team-Building Extravaganza: How to Bond Over Shared Trauma
Ah, team-building exercises—the cornerstone of small business camaraderie. These activities are designed to forge stronger bonds through the shared experience of surviving the most awkward and poorly organized events imaginable. Whether it’s a weekend retreat where the primary activity is “strategic” trust falls or a competitive cooking class that turns into a food fight, these events are designed to strengthen team unity—or at least provide a solid story for the next round of office gossip.
Consider the infamous “Escape Room Incident” of last year, where the entire team was trapped in a room with nothing but a cryptic assortment of puzzles and the collective sense of impending doom. Sarah, the office manager, managed to turn the ordeal into a highlight by enthusiastically shouting, “I found the key!” every time someone else solved a puzzle. Her heroic attempts to lead the group to freedom, while occasionally confusing the escape room’s clues with instructions for a treasure hunt, solidified her status as the office’s most fearless leader.
10. The Company Culture: Embracing the Quirks
In the world of small businesses, company culture is an evolving tapestry of quirks, unspoken rules, and the occasional eccentricity. Embracing these quirks is crucial for surviving and thriving in this environment. From the peculiar annual holiday traditions to the office-wide obsession with the latest viral meme, understanding and adapting to your company’s unique culture is key to your success.
Take the case of Julia, the junior designer, who quickly adapted to the office’s peculiar habit of celebrating “National Squirrel Appreciation Day” with an impromptu potluck featuring all squirrel-themed dishes. Julia, despite her initial confusion, became an overnight sensation by creating a highly detailed squirrel cake that was both delicious and intricately decorated. Her ability to dive headfirst into the quirky office culture earned her a permanent spot on the company’s “Wall of Fame” alongside her famous cake.
Embracing these cultural quirks can also involve navigating unusual office traditions, such as the weekly “Fancy Friday” where employees are encouraged to dress up in their most elaborate outfits. The tradition, born out of a single forgotten memo about a dress code, evolved into a full-blown competition for the most extravagant attire. Mike from HR once won the competition by arriving dressed as a Renaissance king, complete with a faux fur cape and a plastic crown. His dedication to embracing the company’s unique culture earned him the unofficial title of “King of Fancy Friday.”
Conclusion: Embracing the Whimsical Wonderland of Small Business Life
As you journey through the whimsical wonderland of small business life, remember that your role is a dynamic blend of adaptability, creativity, and a healthy dose of humor. In this world, where work and play often blur and occasional disasters become memorable chapters in the epic saga, you are not merely surviving—you are thriving amidst delightful chaos.
From mastering the art of team-building extravaganzas to embracing the unique quirks of company culture, you are the unsung hero in the grand narrative of small business success. Each quirky challenge you face adds another rich story to the tapestry of your professional life. You are the Chief Everything Officer, the office Olympian, and the celebrated connoisseur of company eccentricities.
So, continue to shine with grace and humor. Embrace the unpredictability, laugh at the absurdities, and revel in your role as a master of the work-life balancing act. Your journey is as unique and entertaining as it is rewarding. Cheers to you, intrepid employee, for navigating this delightful chaos with an ever-present smile and unparalleled resilience.
Author: John S. Morlu II, CPA is the CEO and Chief Strategist of JS Morlu, leads a globally recognized public accounting and management consultancy firm. Under his visionary leadership, JS Morlu has become a pioneer in developing cutting-edge technologies across B2B, B2C, P2P, and B2G verticals. The firm’s groundbreaking innovations include AI-powered reconciliation software (ReckSoft.com) and advanced cloud accounting solutions (FinovatePro.com), setting new industry standards for efficiency, accuracy, and technological excellence.
