By: John S. Morlu II, CPA
In a dusty corner of the desert, where tumbleweeds roll and the sun never fails to blaze, there exists a small business that few dare speak of—Acme Corporation. Its notoriety stems not from its prosperity but from its most infamous employee, the one and only Wile E. Coyote. Yes, the very same coyote whose unrelenting pursuit of the Road Runner is the stuff of legend. But today, we are not concerned with his extracurricular activities. Instead, we delve into his role as an ordinary, albeit misguided, small business employee—a role he fulfills with the same chaotic energy he brings to his ill-fated hunting expeditions.
The Dilemma of the Inefficient Employee
Wile E. Coyote, or “Wile” as his colleagues call him, has a simple philosophy: efficiency is for the birds. Literally. No amount of planning, strategizing, or modern workplace tools can make a difference when it comes to his modus operandi. Why waste time with efficiency when you can concoct elaborate, wildly impractical plans that are doomed to fail?
Take, for instance, Wile’s approach to time management. Most employees start their day with a to-do list, a cup of coffee, and perhaps a brief meeting. Wile, on the other hand, starts his day with a blueprint the size of a bedspread, detailing his latest scheme. This scheme, of course, involves a series of convoluted steps, each more improbable than the last, culminating in some grand outcome—usually involving a new way to catch the Road Runner or impress his boss. Spoiler alert: it never works.
Wile’s colleagues have long since given up on trying to understand his methods. They watch in awe as he skips lunch to assemble an Acme rocket, carefully constructing a runway in the middle of the break room. The rocket, naturally, is destined to misfire, usually sending Wile careening into a wall, ceiling, or out the nearest window. “At least he’s dedicated,” one colleague might mutter as they step over the debris to get another cup of coffee.
A Lesson in Teamwork and Collaboration
In the world of small businesses, teamwork is essential. Employees must collaborate, communicate, and share ideas to ensure the success of the company. Wile E. Coyote, however, has a rather unique interpretation of teamwork. His idea of collaboration involves commandeering every available resource—be it time, space, or office supplies—for his personal projects.
Wile’s coworkers have learned to work around him, both literally and figuratively. When he commandeers the conference room to test a new “Rocket-Powered Super Scooter,” the rest of the team simply relocates their meeting to the parking lot. “It’s just Wile being Wile,” they say, shrugging off the fact that half the office is now coated in a thin layer of rocket fuel residue.
But Wile’s solo endeavors aren’t without their consequences. His tendency to go it alone, eschewing input from his colleagues, often leads to predictable disasters. For instance, when asked to contribute to the company’s quarterly marketing campaign, Wile insisted on taking the lead. The result? A series of billboards featuring crude drawings of a rocket-propelled coyote, which somehow ended up advertising a competing product.
“Perhaps we should’ve had a brainstorming session first,” his supervisor sighed, rubbing the bridge of their nose as they looked at the dismal results. Wile, undeterred, was already sketching his next idea on a napkin, oblivious to the collective groan that reverberated through the office.
Embracing Technology the Wile E. Way
In today’s modern workplace, technology is key. Small businesses, in particular, rely on digital tools to streamline operations, enhance productivity, and stay competitive. Wile E. Coyote is no stranger to technology; in fact, he is the proud owner of every gadget, gizmo, and contraption Acme has ever produced. The problem? None of them work as intended, and Wile’s affinity for the outdated and untested ensures that chaos is never far behind.
Take the time Wile decided to “upgrade” the company’s IT infrastructure with a new Acme Supercomputer. Never mind that the machine was likely designed for something far more nefarious (or nonsensical), Wile was convinced it would revolutionize the business. Instead, the Supercomputer promptly self-destructed, taking with it the entire network and several months’ worth of data. “It was supposed to streamline our operations,” Wile muttered, sifting through the charred remains of his cubicle.
The company’s IT department—consisting of one very overworked individual—had long warned against letting Wile near anything with a power button. But Wile’s enthusiasm for innovation, though misguided, was difficult to curb. From Acme Portable Black Holes (which somehow swallowed all the office snacks) to Acme Teleportation Devices (which inevitably malfunctioned, sending Wile to a neighboring state), his ventures into the tech world were as relentless as they were catastrophic.
The Coyote’s Corporate Communication Skills
Communication is the cornerstone of any successful business. Effective communication ensures that everyone is on the same page, working towards the same goals. Unfortunately, Wile’s communication skills leave much to be desired.
Wile’s emails are a source of endless frustration for his colleagues. His messages are typically incomprehensible, filled with jargon that makes even the most tech-savvy employee scratch their head. A typical email from Wile might read:
Subject: RQT-77 Extrapolator Test—Need Team Input
Dear Team,
In order to enhance our productivity by a factor of 7.3, I propose we implement the RQT-77 Extrapolator, which I have procured from Acme. Please see the attached 97-page manual for operational details. Note: The device should not be activated during office hours due to potential temporal distortions. Also, it requires approximately 1.21 gigawatts of power, so ensure the backup generator is on standby.
Best regards,
Wile E. Coyote
The attachment, of course, is a technical manual written in a language no one can decipher, complete with diagrams that resemble something out of a science fiction novel. It’s not unusual for Wile’s emails to go unanswered—after all, no one has the time (or the courage) to decode them. Those who do respond typically advise against whatever plan Wile is proposing, to no avail.
The Inevitable Conclusion
Despite his endless string of failures, Wile E. Coyote remains undeterred. His resilience, if nothing else, is admirable. He approaches each day at Acme Corporation with the same misguided optimism, convinced that this will be the day his plan succeeds, that his rocket will fly straight, that his trap will spring, that his scheme will finally work.
His colleagues watch with a mix of amusement and trepidation, knowing full well that Wile’s latest project will likely end in disaster. But they also know that, come what may, Wile will be back at his desk the next day, blueprint in hand, ready to try again.
In a way, Wile E. Coyote is the embodiment of the small business spirit—a spirit of perseverance, creativity, and a willingness to take risks. True, he might be a cautionary tale about the dangers of overcomplication, the pitfalls of poor communication, and the perils of unchecked enthusiasm. But he’s also a reminder that sometimes, the biggest failures can lead to the most valuable lessons.
And so, Acme Corporation trudges on, with Wile E. Coyote at its helm, driving the team to new heights—or, more accurately, new lows. After all, it wouldn’t be a day at the office without a little chaos, a little laughter, and the distant sound of an Acme rocket crashing into a canyon wall.
Author: John S. Morlu II, CPA is the CEO and Chief Strategist of JS Morlu, leads a globally recognized public accounting and management consultancy firm. Under his visionary leadership, JS Morlu has become a pioneer in developing cutting-edge technologies across B2B, B2C, P2P, and B2G verticals. The firm’s groundbreaking innovations include AI-powered reconciliation software (ReckSoft.com) and advanced cloud accounting solutions (FinovatePro.com), setting new industry standards for efficiency, accuracy, and technological excellence.
